"Brett Venom MD"
Season 1, episode 1
Production code: SJC103a
Airdate: May 25, 2013
Director: Tom Yasumi
Written &
storyboarded by:
Neil Graf, Blake Lemons, Chris Viscardi
"Laugh Quake"
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"Brett Venom MD" is the first episode in the first season of Sanjay and Craig. It is the first episode overall. It starts off as a season kick-off and introduces all the new characters.


Sanjay and Craig, upon hearing that their mother is about to help in the world's first "butt transplant", try to sneak into the hospital to view it. They disguise themselves as doctors and discover that the patient is their neighbor, Mr. Noodman, who is terrified of Craig and causes panic throughout the hospital before Sanjay's mother successfully completes the surgery.


While Darlene is talking about her doctor stories, Sanjay laughs in shock and thinks her stories are sick, while Darlene says that there is nothing funny about it... A few moments later, Darlene comes back inside the kitchen and finishes up her sentence by making Sanjay squirt milk out of his nose and mouth. When Sanjay asks what the doctor looked like, Vijay starts coming into the kitchen, and he tells Darlene not to answer one of Sanjay's doctor questions. And when Vijay puts a box of Curry-O's in the bowl, Darlene grabs a piece of cereal from Vijay's bowl and tells Sanjay about what happens, and drops it on the table, causing Vijay to retch and have to go to the bathroom.

Then when Craig and Sanjay want to hear another gross story, Darlene has to go to work, and tells Sanjay about the "gluteus maximus" transplant, leaving Sanjay and Craig dumbfounded. Darlene tells them it's doctor speak... for butt! Upon haring about the "butt transplant" Sanjay and Craig plan a heist to sneak into the hospital. When they go into the hospital, Sanjay pretends he has been bitten by a "radioactive snake." The doctor doesn't buy Sanjay's story, so she tells Sanjay to fill out the forms and take a seat back in the waiting room. When Sanjay tells the doctor that it is an emergency, but the doctor still doesn't buy it, so she pushes them away. But when Sanjay and Craig walk in the waiting room, they notice many people who look like freaks, and they laugh at how funny they look like.

When they hear about the "butt transplant" happening in 5 minutes, Craig tries to find a way that they can get there. Then the Cowgirl asks if Sanjay is talking to a talking snake, to which Sanjay replies to a quiet "No." Then, when Sanjay goes back inside his shirt, Craig tells Sanjay that they need to go see the "butt transplant" before it's too late. Unfortunately, since the nurse is blocking the door, they go up the ceiling, but since the ceiling can't hold the both of them, they end up falling through, and land on the nurse's front desk. Then Craig bursts out of Sanjay's shirt, causing the doctor to push the button in shock, and take the two of them to the locker room.

When the lady's gone, they find a way they can get out before the doctor sees them, by wearing doctor disguises. When the doctor comes comes back, she asks them if they are doctors. Craig says yes, and tells them that he is "Brett Venom MD." And Sanjay tells that he is doctor "Max Gluteus." And they perform a musical segment where they are "butt doctors," such as using a Defibrillator to a rubber body, riding a hospital cart, and doing a blowing balloon challenge, to which Craig loses, watching the doctor play her saxophone in the rain, catapulting an old man in the air, through a machine, a neck wear, a cast, until he gets his food and lands directly on his chair, giving him a 9.5 and a 10, and even jumping out of an ambulance while holding a baby. When the music is over, the doctor slowly says "Okay..."

Later, in the hallway, they see Darlene coming, so they hide inside a room, until they see a guy with a huge liquid cheek. Then they mess around with it by touching it, drawing on it with a marker, and putting a paper hat, when the guy asks what the name of his repulsive condition, Craig says that his name is Lance. When they hear another anoucement about the "butt transplant happening in 1 minute, they hurry and run out the door, until the patient asks what the diagnosis is for his treatment, Sanjay tells him that he has a friend for life.

When the two of them run out and bump into a patient who runs into them, a doctor shouts "We've got a runner!" To which Darlene replies: "Not on my watch." So when Darlene catches the runner, she puts a thermometer in the patients mouth, and the doctors take him away, leaving Craig and Sanjay in amazement. Once they make it to the butt theater, they see a lot of people, so Sanjay suggests they sneak in the back, but Craig decides that they go through the front row, and they find two empty seats that they sit on, and Craig tells everybody that they are "rad awesome butt doctors," and they just came through. A lady quiets them, as soon as they see a man with no butt. As the doctors begin the surgery, Darlene comes inside quick, and tells the doctor that the president needs an emergency butt surgery. As the doctor goes to the helicoptor, another doctor tells the audience that the "butt surgery" has been canceled due to a shortage of "rad awesome butt doctors," making everyone disappointed, that they didn't get a chance too see the "butt surgery." But Craig has an idea. When Craig drags Sanjay down the surgery room, Sanjay asks what Craig is doing, and Craig tells him that he is doing his job. As soon as Sanjay pardons the whole crowd, he tells Craig that they cannot do the surgery. Craig tells him that he knows what it's like to be buttless, and he just wants the man to walk down the street with his butt held high. Sanjay tearfully agrees. So he tells the doctors to bring out the butt.

When they bring the butt out, Sanjay and Craig hear a conversation from the doctor and Noodman. When they learn that the man is Noodman, they gasp in shock, so they find a wahy to hide their faces, but it backfires when Noodman notices Craig's tail slthering out, as he gasps out in fear to see a snake in the building, and runs away, causing the butt to go airborne. When the doctors try and catch it, the butt keeps making flatulence noises, and slips away. When Noodman encounters the boys, he grabs the blood pole hanger, and chases after them. When the boys try to run away from Noodman, they approach Darlene talking to Lance, so they quickly slither underneath Darlene's legs away from Noodman and the falling butt, until Sanjay shouts "We've got a runner!" just like what the doctor said earlier. And Darlene shouts, "Oh no, we dont!" and she finally catches Noodman, and puts him down on the chair as he falls asleep, and catches the falling butt.

When Sanjay and Craig are excited to see the "butt surgery," they peek through the hospital doors, and see Darlene using a driller, then a sponge-like clay mold to stick the butt together, then glue, then tape, and then 2% milk, leaving Sanjay and Craig in shock. When they see Darlene opening the bottle of milk, and pouring the milk onto the butt, the boys are shocked to see what Darlence is doing to the butt. After the surgery is complete, the technician tells noodman that his transplant has exceded his expectations, which turns out that noodman's butt is 40 inches of "prime rump roast." When Noodman checks his butt through the mirror, he shouts, "Oh! My blueberries." When Sanjay and Craig are at home, Darlene tells Sanjay that he would not believe what happened at work today. Sanjay and Craig start to giggle, until they see Noodman walking down the sidewalk with his cat Butterscotch. When they see how big Noodman's butt is, Craig tells Sanjay that is one "maximum gluteus" as the episode ends.

Major characters

Supporting characters

Minor characters




Patel Horse Tail Nurse2
The full image gallery for Brett Venom MD may be viewed at Brett Venom MD/Gallery.


  • Despite being the the third episode produced, in production order, this one was chosen by Nickelodeon to serve as the series opener. "The Giving G" is the first episode produced.
  • Darlene is the first character to speak in this episode, making her the first character to speak in the entire series.
    • Darlene and Sanjay are also the first characters to appear in this episode, making them the first characters to appear in the entire series as well.
  • The Maximus Gluteus is the doctor speak for butt; it is the largest muscle in the buttocks.
  • Same with Laugh Quake, this episode also got 3.6 million viewers on in the United States.